ONLINE & IN-PERSON IN CA
Couples Therapy
Conflict or distance in our partnerships can be deeply painful, contributing to feeling dissatisfied, lonely, and unsettled.
Relationships can be one of our most fulfilling experiences in our lives, AND feeling connected in romantic partnership can be especially complicated, with our childhood trauma most likely to be triggered in these relationships. Trusting someone to be attuned to our needs, be there for us when we’re struggling, share in our joy, and be aligned with our dreams and values, is vulnerable, creating higher risk and sensitivity for feeling disappointed, rejected, or let down. This can trigger old wounds, and old strategies, such as pulling away or attacking the other person.
Maybe you’re noticing:
loneliness in your relationship
Feeling stuck, with an increase in conflict and blaming
A cycle of fighting and avoiding, with little true repair
One dimensional negative views of each other
Difficulty seeing the whole person that you fell in love with, and feeling compassion, appreciation, and respect towards them
Relationships are hard and this isn’t uncommon.
MY APPROACH TO WORKING WITH COUPLES
I see one of my main tasks as helping you see and feel the whole person in front of you, this person’s vulnerabilities, needs, strengths, intentions, desires, limitations, and internal world.
Part of this is helping couples understand each other, as miscommunication and misinterpretation are expected when we are guarded or have a negative view of our partner. I help couples understand their partner’s attachment style and relational trauma history, so that we can be mindful and supportive of the person we have chosen to share life with.
We are wired for attachment, and in session I support people in building secure attachment through helping them hear and witness the deeper more vulnerable experience of their partner, and be responsive through validation and support.
In my experience, couples often need this modeled. Much of what we do in a relationship was either modeled to us, or a reaction to what we experienced. I support couples in improving communication skills, managing conflict, increasing positive experiences, and creating a relationship culture that resonates with them.
Therapy can help your relationship:
Feel richer and more connected
Identify familiar unhelpful patterns, and learn new dance steps
Build a strong foundation for navigating difficulties and stressors
Be more responsive, supportive, respectful, and emotionally safe
Grow through having a space to explore the hard conversations and issues, and take steps forward